Tuna & Tea
“.. if you asked most people whether they believed in love or not, they’d probably say they didn’t. Yet that’s not necessarily what they truly think. It’s just the way they defend themselves against what they want. They believe in it, but pretend they don’t until they’re allowed to. Most people would throw away all their cynicism if they could. The majority just never gets the chance.”
—Alain de Botton, (On Love)
January 2012
Happy New Year's.
I could say, “2012, be good to me.” but I feel like that’s taking the easy way out and blaming the bad things that’s happened to me this past year on something abstract. And that’s not the case. A year can’t be good or be bad to you. It’s not like a person that makes decisions. The only thing you can say that will make any difference is, “Let me be good to myself in 2012.” because honestly, you are the only person who can make a year “good” or “bad”. And to be frank, I wasn’t good to myself this past year.
And I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions and attempting to change yourself just because it’s a new year. I believe in wanting to better yourself just for that fact. You don’t need a new month or year or decade to ignite change.
The only thing is, I know this past year hasn’t been the best for me. But I’m so terribly glad for the new friends I’ve made, the old ones I’ve kept, and the family who have stood by my side. I’m tired of placing blame on myself or other people. It doesn’t do any good for me. In 2012, I hope and need to take control of who I am and do what I need to do in order to make me a happier person. I won’t say I will be smarter or exercise more or some random resolution that people tend to keep for a month and then give up on. I can only say that I’ll try harder and do my best. I haven’t done that in a while, and I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to understand that.
Goodbye, 2011. You were an interesting year. Not terrible, not great. Just there. Existing. But soon you won’t anymore, and that’s okay because you’ll leave having made a tremendous mark on some of our lives. And when something ends, that’s all anyone really remembers. Those moments. Some good and some bad, but at least they’ve all taught us something. We can only hope that we actually do learn from them.
“Words are supposed to enhance ideas and writing, (not sting like a slap to the face), or worse. Words are supposed to help us understand and learn valuable knowledge, not learn the ugly side to things. Words are supposed to be something to study in English class, not something that makes you not want to go to class. Words are supposed to be a gift, don’t misuse them. Words shouldn’t make you want to take your life away.”
—
December 2011
“You should get a rescue. It’s just like women. You just want one damaged enough that they’re grateful to be indoors.”
—Mark from Whitney
Okay, if there's one thing that really, really pisses me the fuck off, it's someone telling another person to "go kill themselves".
I don’t care how you phrase it, what your motive is, or how much you hate the other person. You never, ever take someone’s life so lightly.
A lot of people actually take those kinds of comments seriously, and then what? Our world loses one more person who could have done something or already has done something wonderful with their life.
No one deserves those kinds of comments. Get your head out of your ass and care. You’re just as bad, if not worse, than the person you so freely criticize when you say things like that.
Suicide and attempted suicide is a very real and a very terrifyingly sad thing. There is no excuse for someone to attack another human being in that manner. It just pisses me off to no end.
And if you, yes you dear reader, ever feel alone and have taken those ridiculous “go kill yourself” comments seriously, feel free to talk to me, because there’s no reason you should ever feel that low. People are insensitive and rude and unkind for silly reasons. But there are a good many that are just the opposite. The world isn’t such a bad place if you know where to place your trust.
29.
The cutest thing anyone has ever done for me.
I’m guessing that this is supposed to be referring to romantic, sweet things that someone has done for me. Erm, too bad my experiences in that category of life is borderline non-existent. However, I guess there is something cute that someone has done for me buried somewhere in the deep crevices of my mind.
In senior year of high school, I walked into my English class and went towards my seat only to find a huge card on my desk with my last name spelled out in huge letters. I opened it up and there was a gigantic WHALE pop-up floating on a construction paper ocean with chocolate and Chinese rice candies. My best guy friend had made the card in order to ask me out to senior ball. He even took out a sound recording from one of those sound Hallmark cards and put it into the huge card he made so when I opened the flap on the ocean waves, it would say, “Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!”.
I’m easily excited, so even seeing the huge whale in the card made my day year. BUT THE CHOCOLATE. AND THE SINGING CARD. AND MY LAST NAME IN HUGE LETTERS. I can’t even.
Plus, if you knew the guy, you’d be like, “Damn…Drew did good.” Firstly, he’s not terribly good at expressing his feelings. And secondly, I didn’t expect him to ask me to ball, or anyone to ask me for that matter. I like creative and nifty things, and his gigantic card just impressed me so much. I still have it too…and the recording still works. HEHHH. Too bad I ate all the chocolate already…derp.
