If I ever had a child or was a really fantastic auntie, 

I would never belittle their questions.

I would answer their “why” and “how”.

And if I did not know, I would admit it,

and learn with them, side by side…

perhaps using Wikipedia or whatever method of quick learning we might have twenty years from now.

I would never want to become someone so apathetic to knowledge,

nor would I want them to be.

sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that my life is really my life.

but it is.

and I am thankful for everything and everyone in it.

I’ve suffered from loss and some pain, nothing compared to some, but it shouldn’t be belittled.

and I realize that I am not lucky, per se.  I just am.

And I’m content that I am, and not was or will be.

I don’t live in the past or dreams of the future.

Only the current, because time passes all too quickly, and I know that if I don’t take advantage of the present, I’ll be longing for something I can’t have.

maybe one day in the distant future, when our lives are moving fast and we have no time to remember every time our heart broke or every time we lost faith in ourselves and the people we loved, we’ll meet again.

and it won’t be awkward or rehash old, unresolved feelings.

we’ll be like two new people, meeting for the first time.  we’ll have a past, but it won’t hinder our future.

I’d like to move forward with that in mind.

I like to think that two people with a shared past can meet again later on in life and be genuinely alright and happy for each other, as if they’d be happy for any other stranger they’d meet along the way.

they won’t be waiting and hoping for a day that they’d meet again and see how badly the other person is.  They won’t be hoping that the other would be hopeless and lost without them.

I’d like to think that life is a little more organic than that.  If two people meet again after hard times, difficult times, emotional times, then it’ll be at a time when they will both be okay with themselves, when it won’t hurt anymore and they can just be.  Together or apart, it’ll be okay because they’ve moved on and have seen what other lovely things and lessons life has to offer.

// I want a love in which I can act stupidly and freely and not give a damn.//

We all see it in movies and novels, and yes, it’s rare, but I want it.

Is that so bad?

Maybe not right now, and maybe not even in the near future.  But someday, somehow, I want to be able to give all of myself and not be apprehensive about everything.

Maybe when I’m older and wiser.  Who knows?  Just someday, it’d be nice.